Monday, May 9, 2011

Two Meanings

Everything in this world can be taken from two different perspectives. Well it could have more, but generally two; the worst or the best. Other people will read what you are doing from the perspective that they would live by. You can not be responsible for how they feel, or perceive.
I have been in a friendship with someone for four years now, this relationship does not progress very far because when it starts to pick up; the other person gets mad that it is not progressing. I find myself always hopeful that things will go along smoothly, then they do not. Sometimes it amazes me how innocently I see the world, I am sure others think this same way; at least I have been told this. Yet I do not think of my life this way, as I am chugging along. I also want everyone to feel loved, so I haven't tainted myself with thinking the worst; for the most part.
I realized tonight that I am being seen in a way that is not in my ability to behave. I could not take advantage of another, I would feel so bad that I had hypocritically gone against what I have been learning and practicing. Yet this person has been telling me I have been taking advantage of him, for years. In the past I had defended myself and told my side of the story, to show that I did not think this way. Yet tonight I felt this intuition and moved in a different way, not relying on him. My heart goes out to him; that he thinks this of me. I had no such thoughts or feelings. I have always seen him as a friend and ally. With not many alternatives to turn to, I have been excited that he was such a friend.
My intuition guided me tonight to stay clear of this situation, because of the double meaning of the situation. Knowing this, I realized that I just wanted to be grateful and find someone else to help me. Finishing a relationship out of love is new to me, but I am so grateful that I am. I will admit that I have not handled any other relationship in such a gentle way.
I realize that the way I see my actions may never be seen or understood by others. What matters to me is that I deal with the world out of the Grace within me, guided by my inner spirit.

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