Wednesday, June 22, 2011


We all come to endings in our lives. Some of us do not like to end because it is change, we resist this and then the end has to come in a cloud of pain over some tragedy we created because we resisted the change in the first place. I guess if you learn to follow your intuition and see how it directs you to change, change is still a time of uncomfortableness, but you look at the good in it. This knowledge is the comfort you are doing the right thing, and it allows you to look at the possibilities that are open to you in the ending of something.
As you know I am moving and have had to tell my mom that I need to go. It is a time of uncomfortableness. I know she does not approve, because she does not think things have changed for me. On one level they haven't. yet if they haven't changed I would not be going. I would still be here frightened and scared for my survival and the needs of my kids. This announcement has helped my mom be kinder to me, strangely enough. but there is now a deeper, energy of resentment.
This past year I have rapidly gone through my spiritual evolution. My mom has not approved of me from the time I got here and after I got over the hurt I started to notice that she behaves this way with all people, It was never me she was disappointed of, it is her way of relating. Yet I have to say that has been an emotional, spiritual, guide that I do not belong were I am not supported.
I know that in my heart it is the right thing to move on, for everyone that I live with and around. I see that my decision effects all those that touch my lives too, even all those that touch my children's lives. I have also seen how we, all those people have grown too.
So my ending is filled with beginnings, and I know that I will never again be the person I was when I came here. I do not mind that one bit, for I have become, in the process the person I had wanted to be all my life. I am grateful for this ending. If I had faced all my endings with the larger view that all is right in the world, my life would had transformed sooner. I am grateful to be here now!

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