Saturday, February 19, 2011


Being a mom is something I thought would be a given. When I grew up my mom was home, yet she was not there. As I became a mom and soon enough went through a divorce, I started to realize I was impatient, unhappy around the kids. A few years later, my ex and I went back to court for custody. I was filled with pain, and every time I was with my kids I felt the pain and bewilderment of the situation. I only got to see my kids three days a week and it felt like I was going to die. I could not even breathe through those days. Something in me knew I wanted to heal this whole situation, but I wanted to heal it with love. My mind raced day and night, yet I knew I needed to get it under control to focus my thoughts on a plan. My relationship with the kids was not going well. Once, they looked at me and said,"We just want you to be happy." I knew I had to find a place in my self to get happy when I was with them or our relationship would suffer. The one thing I wanted most, since childhood was to be a great mom. I realized I was not living up to that in myself. So I went out and bought beads, and when my kids were home I spent at least an hour a night beading with them. I knew if my intention was to create a good mother, I had to rise above my pain and be one. We had some great times. It did start to ease my pain, and I would even do it when they were not home, saying over and over their names, with the intention to reunite us as a family. Needless to say things did change, and I have no doubt it was because of my intention, to do this through love and not anger.

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