life to live

  We all want life to go our way. The reality of that is; that life its self knows what will make us happy. Life is the energy of creation. The reality of what is best for us. Letting go of all of our wants to find what is the best for us is so hard. sometimes we do not even know what we want or think we do; only to find that we are unhappy once we get it. Our wants also change with our development or emotional growth.
      I want to stay home with my kids, they are the love of my life and I want to be there for them and all of the world is conspiring to push me into the world of work. I recently went back to work; only to find that I am delighted with it. Part of me feels like I let my kids down. As if I was not a good mom because I did not fallow the energy of my wants and focus on them. I have also wanted to be independent of the people in my life that want to call the shots. I see now that the stronger energy, the one full of life is the one that makes me free.
     I am happier, not having others around that want me to behave in a certain ways for them. I am happier without there disappointment and judgement; or moodiness.
  I do not like going to work; but I know that the energy of life needs me to be here now; to create time and space to maneuver my life into a different setting.  I can say this, that my life was not working the way I wanted it to; so it is a blessing that it is working the way life is directing it.
       Life we live is not always the best life we could live. Sometimes when we give in to life as it calls us to be, we find ourselves more alive than we thought we could be. Living the life we want can stifle life itself; making our every turn feel wrong. When we move in the direction that we need to; we come alive with the very life of creation.

Cry For Me

Have you ever started to think of someone or something and just had an overwhelming feeling of wanting to start crying? Do you just cry, without thought, without judgment? Or do you think that they need your help? Do you think of the last bad interaction that you had with them and cry for how it turned out, or how they have hurt you? Energy itself will ask you to cry for those that have hurt you. When you consciously ask to heal those that have hurt you, you are instantly healed yourself. Energy does this as the fastest way to heal you. The only problem is that we do not want to help those that we think have hurt us, so it takes longer to heal.

Did you now that you can cry for someone else? Did you know that that could heal their pain and that, in turn,  heals the collective energy pain? That is the highest form of healing; to know that you were overwhelmed by the pain of humanity, and that your tears were shed for the healing of the whole.

I have a little bird that has survived in my care. In the quiet times, I feel the magic that is contained in its existence. I am in awe that it is alive, but on one occasion I felt a deep pain for the mother that lost it. I have seen how birds and animals look and stand over there dead babies. There is a collective energy that is present in all living things that is as powerful as creation itself. To sit quietly and witness it and feel it brings awe into our world.

When I felt the pain of this little bird and the pain of its mother, I had an overwhelming sense of wanting to start crying. I knew that I could cry for them. This is no small task, You have to be able to go in and feel the pain, to allow the tears to heal and to walk away with the knowledge that you have just healed a small part of the collective pain that is growing in all the world.

There is much pain between mother and child for many of millennium and it is this that can help make others pain bearable enough to live another day.

Knowing we are here to let this energy pass through us and heal it on the way is a gift that will transform the world. It is the outlet that the energy itself uses to make life bearable for the people that are not able to be conscious in this life. So, cry. Do not judge.  Just know that you are whole and that you are making the world a better place for it.

Mother's Energy

Mother energy is a path you are called to live by your inner energy. We all live out energy patterns, they define our lives and they are a starting point that evolves and matures us to emotional maturity. In the beginning we have a baby and fall in love with it. But this love we find as we grow becomes unconditional over time, it changes its own parameters and the parameters of our lives. When our kids do something we think wrong, we listen and find that, that is what they need in their lives. Sometimes we find that it is not what we wanted, but it works, because it is what is needed in their lives. It opens our minds about how love is, when it needs to support others.
       
Mother energy is also very protective, now I have seen a mix of ability to live this, but I will say it. A maturation of mother energy is protective over all else. Protection is a primary need for children, they need to know that someone is in there corner. This brings an emotional safety to there world they do not have otherwise. I, and I see, many others struggle with this one because we fear abandonment. The reality of the situation is that when we protect our kids it is always the right thing to do. They see that you are trying to look out for their best interests, even if you do not succeed, they see that they are worth speaking up for and that their needs are important to you. This promotes their knowledge that they, and their needs, are worthy in this world.
     
Even within relationships I have learned the ways we emotionally abuse each other. As a mother, I have done my best to inform my kids and those around us about abuse. The one thing I have found is that I am proud of the knowledge I have gained and the ability to live it through my inner energy. When I speak up to someone I know that the energy that supported me in speaking up will make the changes. I see that even if the person does not change or stop the behavior.
     
I also know that this is the same energy that is of the universe, it in itself is a mother energy, protecting us as we walk, guided, on this path.

Lower Standards

I have noticed a lowering of standards in our society. On television, the teens talk about not doing so much, or of doing a shoddy job so that the parents will do the work instead of expecting them to help. I was also thinking of how others tell me my kids are too much work, they should do more.
 
My next thought was that the parents of other generations did not do as much for their kids, so the kids had to do more. I like being present for my kids. I like spending my time and energy on them, and I think it is a good example of quality of life they need to look for in a partner, when they grow up. If their partner is not present and available for them they will have unhappy partnerships. They should understand that relationships take effort and devotion. I know that I do not want to lower my standards in relationships for the sake of my kids doing for others. I think I am living by example, to be dedicated to them, and show love in all I do.
   
I know in my heart that the energy I spend on others is the higher standard that all emotional beings should look and strive for. We are, by design, miraculous beings and feel the best when our lives are lived through this dedication. It brings out the best in others and myself when I strive for giving my best.

Thank You

I have to say thank you to my inner guide. I have come so far, and am so grateful for all the help and love bestowed upon me.
   
I am currently living with family and we are not of like mind. I also have a special needs child that is very hard to take most days. This morning she got up, and was crying. The person downstairs could hear her. He made a huff, said "Jesus Christ !", and left. Well, I know it is hard for all of us. I was very disappointed to realize that she was, or could very well be, a problem for the rest of her life. Either way, I had to accept it and learn to care for her with love. Acceptance is not easy to understand. It is the decision to deal with the issue as it is, not keep looking for it to change. Now this is hard to think of because many of us need change to make life bearable. Change will come. Life is forever changing. You have to accept what is to allow the new to move in. The acceptance is the lack of resistance. When you resist, the stress of the problem fills the energetic place of what is trying to come in and replace the problem issue.
 
Now, what I understood today was that your resistance is a form of that energy too. The resistance is a feeling of need for change. It forces you to look in to your inner energy for help. I can not control that I live here or that my child is hard to live with, but I can control my reactions. That is power in a huge way! I have been dealing with the resistance of us living here since we moved in. I have gone through phases of pain over it and today, I thought about it, and realized that it was my inner energy that was creating the pain to propel me into a new location. I felt undying gratitude! You see we are energy and that energy repels and attracts. So, what ruffles my energy system will send me away. Likewise, what makes me calm is what the energy gives me more of, it attracts. I walk every day, two to three times, to a house I want to live in. I always take the time to pray there and know that somehow my energy is working on me getting there. We need a home so badly. It is the worst thing in the world to live in a home were you are not welcome. You never really feel safe and you never really feel like you can be.
 
Having a place to be the essential you is so important to being the best Being you can be. I know that it is all being worked out and that maybe I needed to live through this to appreciate, teach and love what I will have when it is all over. I sureonow I have a true sense of understanding that I never had, a sense of peace, and love for those that are unconsciously fallowing the energy of life. So thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Peace and Happiness

I am at the end. I only want peace and happiness. Life daily gives us all things to find problems with. I have three children and one of them has special needs. There is always something to combat, fix, or improve upon. I have been telling everyone I know lately that I am not cut out to be a mom. It is not a peaceful life aspiration. I do believe though that there is peace in the way I see my life. There are times that my life goes so smoothly, and I lie in bed wondering what I did that made that day so different. I can usually see that I lived through my inner guide that day, but the days that are bristly, I can not put my finger on were I fell into the abyss that is my inner self. I say bristly, because when I put my youngest to bed, I often feel like a dog unwinding that has been petted against the fur all day. I want my days to go smoothly, and to express my love in all that I do. But, sometimes your guidance tells you to speak up, to not comply with those around you. I follow it and then I get thrown off track, with me having to improve those around me.
 
I want to teach self regulation and self discipline to my kids, and I learned from experience that violence does not teach these things. These skills and healthy self-esteem are what make people successful. When you feel confident in following your inner energy, you can do anything. That is the power that makes worthy changes in the world. I know that I need to guide and remind a thousand times, but I am tired of seeing it as a problem. I want above all to be happy and love them, to give them a place of peace where they know that they can accomplish anything.  I am not cut out to be a mom from anyone else's perspective.
  
I know it sounds kind of selfish; to want peace before teaching my kids. But, perhaps they learn more from what I do do than what I say. I also know that I am a better person when I am happy. I make better decisions and don't regret what I say and do. I have told my kids over and over, but they are kids and choose the easy way out. I am tired of thinking of it in these terms though.
 
I have decided to be the better person all around and let go. I will allow my inner energy to teach them.
I choose peace and happiness over what I see could be improved. I will fall into the abyss of faith and I know that the best will come of it.

Bullying

Bullying is what we have come to, in the form of warfare. Our need to hurt others has resorted to an underground form of emotional warfare. War has gone from lining up in front of others and mowing them down with guns, to hiding and jumping out and killing them, and now, to getting in their heads and tormenting them to death. We are intelligent beings, but not intelligent enough to stop hurting one another. Our need to be right, or in this case, our need for the world to revolve around us is so great. Our minds are agents of foolishness. They work on a collective energy level. If we do not control them and use our higher thinking to see reality as it truly is, and not how our minds fool us into thinking it is. The reason that emotional warfare is so great is that it is hard for the victim to combat, and hard for them to prove. Even our own minds can run circles around a subject for us. War in the outer world has turned to this too, we have a daily terrorist report, high to low threat levels, and the government acts upon this. The problem with this is that we never get war out of our heads. We have come to live with this silent war in the back ground of our heads, and think that this is acceptable. Our thoughts are our energy and when we think about defending ourselves we are giving energy to our perpetrators. This energy on an energetic emotional level helps feed this behavior, allowing it to seem expect-able. Now on one level war is a reality, but on another, energy level, it can not survive without being fed, energetically.

I am currently dealing with a bully with one of my girls. My daughter wants to have multiple friends, but one of her friends wants exclusive rights to her friendship. So. my daughter had friends over, two of them, and we live in a 500 sq. foot apt. This girl calls to say her previous plans were canceled. The girls said they could not play this time and got off the phone. The phone calls ensued. Now I am going to say some thing that is important and that is, boundaries! I know we say; "I know boundaries", but did you know that the need for boundaries has also upgraded to your mind?

Well, now these girls were in my care and I told them not to answer the phone. I am a huge advocate for emotional well being. I told the kids to do their best to forget this whole thing and have fun, do make-up, play, and be kids.  Well, now comes the scary part. The mom started calling the kids and yelling at them for leaving her daughter out. How does a kid of ten defend themselves? They don't, and should not, have to. This is emotional abuse.  The mother told them that they were leaving her daughter out, out of malice. How does anyone combat lies? I know it is a lie because we live in such a small place I heard every conversation they had. You see now your mind is hooked? You have to keep thinking of ways to combat lies. You can't on this level, that is why it is emotionally abusive. See how bullying is so effective and makes you feel so helpless? Now, I will say, on this level it is helpless, but we are energy beings first, so we can choose to live on another level. Now you have to train your mind to know the energetic seeds within you are more powerful than the outer world, because on another level you can unplug from the collective and not feed these thoughts. The collective belief that what is said in the world can hurt you is not true. So the goal is to focus your energy on what is true and that is that you are safe, you did nothing wrong, believe it, know it, and live it. Your energy of truth is stronger than the energy of lies, but don't think again of the lies, put boundaries around your mind to know only your inner energy.

Your inner energy will be stronger and dissipate the problem.

Single Parenting

I will admit that it is the worst choice I ever made. Had I been smarter then about what I teach, I would not have gotten a divorce. Now that I know I could use the energy within me to create a new reality, I would have saved my family, and myself, from the heartache. Some of us need to move on though, we get so far into the energetic force of resentment, that we see no way out. I have to add to this, too. When you feel this energy of resentment toward a partner there is also a collective energy that is part of that. As an explanation, we all have our personal energy and there is a collective energy that also fits into our patterns of feeling. So some of what adds to your feelings, makes them overwhelming, is the whole worlds feelings on the same subject.

Single parenting has had that effect on me, but now that I have extended family around, I don't feel the collective oppression that I once did. What I want to say on this subject is that it has grown me, in making me pay attention to my energy. Well, any parenting or relationship can do this, but it has taught me to be what is needed; not who I think I need to be. Some moments I need to be a friend and others I need to be a lover. Yes, to reach out and touch. Other times I need to just be quiet. Seeing my kids as energetic beings and helping them on their own terms has made me grow in all areas of my life. I am grateful in this respect, wiser to have slowed down and listened to my inner energy. I know it has paid off too. We all have the best relationships I have ever seen in a family.

Things

Things are stuff we want, have, or desire to happen; but all of it has to happen in this world or the people around us don't consider us successful. The flip side of this is that we get those things through not-so-upstanding means, and no one respects us for what we have. I have been, for all intents and purposes, without a suitable home since my divorce in 2005. I have had homes, but they are not where we, as a family, want to be. They have either been controlled by others or of the wrong size. It is a constant thought in my mind that stability is what a home creates for me and my family. I remind myself that stability is a seed I had to learn to grow in myself. I sometimes think stability is a lost virtue in this society. We all want it and it speaks to, and of, our spiritual, energetic lives, but valuing it is not something we seek. I have created a stable home life. At one point I realized it had to come from me, that I had to give this to myself and my kids. I became calmer, kinder, and solidified my inner world so I was not so inconstant in my outer world. I have not gotten a home in the outer world yet. I keep reminding myself that it is a representation of stability and comfort to the soul, planting my seeds of physical stability.

I do have a family member at this time that has created a home, but I would not call it stable because if it were not for me, there would not be much love in it. She has obtained this home by choosing to live in poverty all her life. She is very proud of this, and expects all around her to respect that, and live this way too. This is what I mean about when you obtain things through not-so-stellar means, no one respects it. It does not speak to you as an energy being, to live this way, just to have things. Energy is abundant, there is nothing that is without it, so why go without to get what you need? You can use your energy for all sorts of things, but not all means are worth you efforts. The things of life, that are stable, come because you have used your energy in the right place.

Excellent Parenting

There is no one thing in parenting that makes you the best, but a few things can make you excellent. The first is not to be preoccupied, you need all your thought energy on the kid you are with. They will then feel that you are with them and know you think they are special. This is the first step in healthy self esteem. Also, when your thought energy is clear, you can make better and calmer decisions. Being present is one of the best gifts you can give to your child, and to the world for that matter. It also allows you to be happier, and joy around a child is another important thing. When kids see you happy they think you are happy to be with them, and this is an esteem building block. Happiness is a learned skill, not all of us had it in our childhoods, so we did not learn to value having it. One of the best skills you can teach is happiness and the primary way we teach is through living it.

Those are the two things I feel are that are deeply important. There are others too, but the others seem to come when you are present as a parent. Devotion, I say, is third in line. Not many kids get this anymore. I didn't get it when I was young and I learned by example to be a very selfish parent in the beginning. When I started watering my seed energy of excellent parenting, I saw a lot of the things I was doing as counterproductive to my true values.

Using the skills of watering the seed energy within you, helps water the seed energy of that kind in all aspects of your life. So when you decide to become devoted to being an excellent parent, that excellent seed grows you into an excellent person in all parts of  your life. You become a better parent, lover, friend, child, and citizen of the world.

Gentle Motherhood

I have always wanted to be a kind mother. For the most part I think I have mellowed out to be that. What I see is that you really have to be firm sometimes, even if you add a loving touch to that. I grew up in a home with plenty of discipline of all kinds, and what I learned was a heavy dose of retaliation. I also learned I did not want to be that kind of parent, one that disciplines out of anger.

I soon learned that some of the things I said to my kids made no sense from the point of view of someone learning. I once heard my self say,"I do everything for you! And you can't pick up after your self?" Now I know a lot of people say this, my mom did. What message was I trying to convey? Was I trying to plant the seeds of loving co-operation? Was I trying to teach obligation regardless of my children's needs? When I looked at this, I saw that I was planting the seed of obligation. I did not want to do this, it can leave my children open to molesters, abusers, and adult messes. So I decided I needed to explain my intent in understandable terms, planting the seed of family co-operation and unity. I still have to discipline, my kids take advantage of me, but that is part of the peace I also teach. I feel great about my choices. I know I water the seed of love, even in my discipline. I want my kids to grow up in the peace generation, making loving changes all around the world, for the better of this planet.

Mom

Being a mom is something I thought would be a given. When I grew up my mom was home, yet she was not there. As I became a mom and soon enough went through a divorce, I started to realize I was impatient, unhappy around the kids. A few years later, my ex and I went back to court for custody. I was filled with pain, and every time I was with my kids I felt the pain and bewilderment of the situation. I only got to see my kids three days a week and it felt like I was going to die. I could not even breathe through those days. Something in me knew I wanted to heal this whole situation, but I wanted to heal it with love. My mind raced day and night, yet I knew I needed to get it under control to focus my thoughts on a plan. My relationship with the kids was not going well. Once, they looked at me and said,"We just want you to be happy." I knew I had to find a place in my self to get happy when I was with them or our relationship would suffer. The one thing I wanted most, since childhood was to be a great mom. I realized I was not living up to that in myself. So I went out and bought beads, and when my kids were home I spent at least an hour a night beading with them. I knew if my intention was to create a good mother, I had to rise above my pain and be one. We had some great times. It did start to ease my pain, and I would even do it when they were not home, saying over and over their names, with the intention to reunite us as a family. Needless to say things did change, and I have no doubt it was because of my intention, to do this through love and not anger.