Healing

Healing happens in all we do; Yet you have to have grace to open your heart in the moment and be able to see the other in a new, or whole way.
     
To day my dad came into my life for the first time in 12 years, but he wanted to see my mom. He has not seen my mom in 30 years. Yet he came with the intention of making amends. What a lot of people do not see is that you can make amends and have the other person say yes on one level, but on another still not see you as a whole person worthy of forgiveness, the healing comes when both grow and heal in the interaction and become whole.
     
I could sense that it was a moment of time that my father needed to validate that he was not as bad as he himself felt, over all that had gone by. This is an energy of calling back your soul and forgiving yourself for the pain you caused others. I am not sure if my mom could see the transformation I saw in her but I know it healed her too.
     
My mom has had a feeling of unworthiness in her life time that she has never addressed, yet it over shadowed all she does. Still to this day she talks of how she was not treated fairly by her father. I am sure that other than me, no one else has apologized to her. I also know she dismissed  that as due to her, in all my wrongness. I was so happy to see the healing in both of them, something I did not think of before.
   
Many times we change and look for confirmation in those we love, or those around us, as a barometer. Much of the time others are busy keeping us in the box of our old behavior. So we never forgive ourselves fully. This is an energy exchange that keeps people down or in the case of forgiveness, empowers us. When we know that we are forgiving, the energy can be released and we no longer carry the burden of that experience.
   
All we do has the power to heal others, and I now see that it heals us too. The law of intention, when you intend to heal, help, see the world whole; it becomes whole, and all those in it.

Lower Standards

I have noticed a lowering of standards in our society. On television, the teens talk about not doing so much, or of doing a shoddy job so that the parents will do the work instead of expecting them to help. I was also thinking of how others tell me my kids are too much work, they should do more.
 
My next thought was that the parents of other generations did not do as much for their kids, so the kids had to do more. I like being present for my kids. I like spending my time and energy on them, and I think it is a good example of quality of life they need to look for in a partner, when they grow up. If their partner is not present and available for them they will have unhappy partnerships. They should understand that relationships take effort and devotion. I know that I do not want to lower my standards in relationships for the sake of my kids doing for others. I think I am living by example, to be dedicated to them, and show love in all I do.
   
I know in my heart that the energy I spend on others is the higher standard that all emotional beings should look and strive for. We are, by design, miraculous beings and feel the best when our lives are lived through this dedication. It brings out the best in others and myself when I strive for giving my best.

Thank You

I have to say thank you to my inner guide. I have come so far, and am so grateful for all the help and love bestowed upon me.
   
I am currently living with family and we are not of like mind. I also have a special needs child that is very hard to take most days. This morning she got up, and was crying. The person downstairs could hear her. He made a huff, said "Jesus Christ !", and left. Well, I know it is hard for all of us. I was very disappointed to realize that she was, or could very well be, a problem for the rest of her life. Either way, I had to accept it and learn to care for her with love. Acceptance is not easy to understand. It is the decision to deal with the issue as it is, not keep looking for it to change. Now this is hard to think of because many of us need change to make life bearable. Change will come. Life is forever changing. You have to accept what is to allow the new to move in. The acceptance is the lack of resistance. When you resist, the stress of the problem fills the energetic place of what is trying to come in and replace the problem issue.
 
Now, what I understood today was that your resistance is a form of that energy too. The resistance is a feeling of need for change. It forces you to look in to your inner energy for help. I can not control that I live here or that my child is hard to live with, but I can control my reactions. That is power in a huge way! I have been dealing with the resistance of us living here since we moved in. I have gone through phases of pain over it and today, I thought about it, and realized that it was my inner energy that was creating the pain to propel me into a new location. I felt undying gratitude! You see we are energy and that energy repels and attracts. So, what ruffles my energy system will send me away. Likewise, what makes me calm is what the energy gives me more of, it attracts. I walk every day, two to three times, to a house I want to live in. I always take the time to pray there and know that somehow my energy is working on me getting there. We need a home so badly. It is the worst thing in the world to live in a home were you are not welcome. You never really feel safe and you never really feel like you can be.
 
Having a place to be the essential you is so important to being the best Being you can be. I know that it is all being worked out and that maybe I needed to live through this to appreciate, teach and love what I will have when it is all over. I sureonow I have a true sense of understanding that I never had, a sense of peace, and love for those that are unconsciously fallowing the energy of life. So thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Peace and Happiness

I am at the end. I only want peace and happiness. Life daily gives us all things to find problems with. I have three children and one of them has special needs. There is always something to combat, fix, or improve upon. I have been telling everyone I know lately that I am not cut out to be a mom. It is not a peaceful life aspiration. I do believe though that there is peace in the way I see my life. There are times that my life goes so smoothly, and I lie in bed wondering what I did that made that day so different. I can usually see that I lived through my inner guide that day, but the days that are bristly, I can not put my finger on were I fell into the abyss that is my inner self. I say bristly, because when I put my youngest to bed, I often feel like a dog unwinding that has been petted against the fur all day. I want my days to go smoothly, and to express my love in all that I do. But, sometimes your guidance tells you to speak up, to not comply with those around you. I follow it and then I get thrown off track, with me having to improve those around me.
 
I want to teach self regulation and self discipline to my kids, and I learned from experience that violence does not teach these things. These skills and healthy self-esteem are what make people successful. When you feel confident in following your inner energy, you can do anything. That is the power that makes worthy changes in the world. I know that I need to guide and remind a thousand times, but I am tired of seeing it as a problem. I want above all to be happy and love them, to give them a place of peace where they know that they can accomplish anything.  I am not cut out to be a mom from anyone else's perspective.
  
I know it sounds kind of selfish; to want peace before teaching my kids. But, perhaps they learn more from what I do do than what I say. I also know that I am a better person when I am happy. I make better decisions and don't regret what I say and do. I have told my kids over and over, but they are kids and choose the easy way out. I am tired of thinking of it in these terms though.
 
I have decided to be the better person all around and let go. I will allow my inner energy to teach them.
I choose peace and happiness over what I see could be improved. I will fall into the abyss of faith and I know that the best will come of it.

Anger with Kids

If you want a better world, leave out the anger with kids. As you grow in this knowledge you will see how manipulative and dangerous your anger is. Now let me cover some things with you first. Kids read energy better than we, as adults, do. They are still energy beings and are learning to honor that energy within or learning to ignore it. Now energy is energy. There is nothing personal about it and kids feel this. They don't know how to deal with it because they relate all things to their world. This means that they relate it to themselves and not to an inner world they have not yet been taught about. So all energy has emotion, and all energy is read by our nervous systems. That is why you say "I feel it in my stomach," or "it hit me in the gut." These are nervous system reactions to your intuition. Now as you go on, you will learn that these emotions are a guide, hence the guided way, they are not meant for you to relate them to yourself. They are meant for you to feel and help you navigate the world, with no judgment as to how they relate to you. I will give you and example. If you are angry at your kid you are using anger, judgment, and condemnation to relate your emotions. I know you want to say; "I am not, I am just angry." But, you have to understand, that in order to be angry you have used these other energies to justify your reaction. Now the kid does not think about what you say because you are approaching them with anger, and anger translates instantly in their nervous system as chaos. Chaos is unpredictable, so then they are scared of you. Now judgment is what we do when we decide the other is wrong. Remember, I said your mind is a trickster. It will fool you into believing you are right all of the time. Now judgment makes the other person wrong, so the energy of "you are wrong" is conveyed. The problem is that when you use this energy you also forget that it is not the person that is wrong, but rather it is the choice they made that is in need of correction. With making the other person wrong comes the energy of condemnation, this is an energy form of annihilation. You then have to eradicate that behavior, but in your anger you have missed the point. It is the behavior, not the person, to make your world calm again.
 
Now here is the problem with anger. It is read on an energy level, not heard on a physical level. Because it carries the emotional power of your emotions, it is meant to scare people into becoming what you think is right. Yes, I said what you think is right, not what is really right. They don't learn from it, and kids take it to heart and personalize it to be that the person does not like them or hates them, because it carries that kind of power. This is not a self esteem builder. If you want to make a better world, you have to use your anger wisely. Anger is a justifiable tool when you sit and decipher if it is warranted, decide how to use it to speak wisely, and empower another. Remember, you will get better and quicker at thinking this way when you use the skills of feeling your inner energy. Plus, using your inner energy will build your self esteem too.
 
When it comes to kids, you growing in this area and teaching them what you learn helps build their self esteem. This is real self esteem, not the kind of self esteem that can be pulled from you in the tragedies of life.

Bullying

Bullying is what we have come to, in the form of warfare. Our need to hurt others has resorted to an underground form of emotional warfare. War has gone from lining up in front of others and mowing them down with guns, to hiding and jumping out and killing them, and now, to getting in their heads and tormenting them to death. We are intelligent beings, but not intelligent enough to stop hurting one another. Our need to be right, or in this case, our need for the world to revolve around us is so great. Our minds are agents of foolishness. They work on a collective energy level. If we do not control them and use our higher thinking to see reality as it truly is, and not how our minds fool us into thinking it is. The reason that emotional warfare is so great is that it is hard for the victim to combat, and hard for them to prove. Even our own minds can run circles around a subject for us. War in the outer world has turned to this too, we have a daily terrorist report, high to low threat levels, and the government acts upon this. The problem with this is that we never get war out of our heads. We have come to live with this silent war in the back ground of our heads, and think that this is acceptable. Our thoughts are our energy and when we think about defending ourselves we are giving energy to our perpetrators. This energy on an energetic emotional level helps feed this behavior, allowing it to seem expect-able. Now on one level war is a reality, but on another, energy level, it can not survive without being fed, energetically.

I am currently dealing with a bully with one of my girls. My daughter wants to have multiple friends, but one of her friends wants exclusive rights to her friendship. So. my daughter had friends over, two of them, and we live in a 500 sq. foot apt. This girl calls to say her previous plans were canceled. The girls said they could not play this time and got off the phone. The phone calls ensued. Now I am going to say some thing that is important and that is, boundaries! I know we say; "I know boundaries", but did you know that the need for boundaries has also upgraded to your mind?

Well, now these girls were in my care and I told them not to answer the phone. I am a huge advocate for emotional well being. I told the kids to do their best to forget this whole thing and have fun, do make-up, play, and be kids.  Well, now comes the scary part. The mom started calling the kids and yelling at them for leaving her daughter out. How does a kid of ten defend themselves? They don't, and should not, have to. This is emotional abuse.  The mother told them that they were leaving her daughter out, out of malice. How does anyone combat lies? I know it is a lie because we live in such a small place I heard every conversation they had. You see now your mind is hooked? You have to keep thinking of ways to combat lies. You can't on this level, that is why it is emotionally abusive. See how bullying is so effective and makes you feel so helpless? Now, I will say, on this level it is helpless, but we are energy beings first, so we can choose to live on another level. Now you have to train your mind to know the energetic seeds within you are more powerful than the outer world, because on another level you can unplug from the collective and not feed these thoughts. The collective belief that what is said in the world can hurt you is not true. So the goal is to focus your energy on what is true and that is that you are safe, you did nothing wrong, believe it, know it, and live it. Your energy of truth is stronger than the energy of lies, but don't think again of the lies, put boundaries around your mind to know only your inner energy.

Your inner energy will be stronger and dissipate the problem.

Single Parenting

I will admit that it is the worst choice I ever made. Had I been smarter then about what I teach, I would not have gotten a divorce. Now that I know I could use the energy within me to create a new reality, I would have saved my family, and myself, from the heartache. Some of us need to move on though, we get so far into the energetic force of resentment, that we see no way out. I have to add to this, too. When you feel this energy of resentment toward a partner there is also a collective energy that is part of that. As an explanation, we all have our personal energy and there is a collective energy that also fits into our patterns of feeling. So some of what adds to your feelings, makes them overwhelming, is the whole worlds feelings on the same subject.

Single parenting has had that effect on me, but now that I have extended family around, I don't feel the collective oppression that I once did. What I want to say on this subject is that it has grown me, in making me pay attention to my energy. Well, any parenting or relationship can do this, but it has taught me to be what is needed; not who I think I need to be. Some moments I need to be a friend and others I need to be a lover. Yes, to reach out and touch. Other times I need to just be quiet. Seeing my kids as energetic beings and helping them on their own terms has made me grow in all areas of my life. I am grateful in this respect, wiser to have slowed down and listened to my inner energy. I know it has paid off too. We all have the best relationships I have ever seen in a family.

Things

Things are stuff we want, have, or desire to happen; but all of it has to happen in this world or the people around us don't consider us successful. The flip side of this is that we get those things through not-so-upstanding means, and no one respects us for what we have. I have been, for all intents and purposes, without a suitable home since my divorce in 2005. I have had homes, but they are not where we, as a family, want to be. They have either been controlled by others or of the wrong size. It is a constant thought in my mind that stability is what a home creates for me and my family. I remind myself that stability is a seed I had to learn to grow in myself. I sometimes think stability is a lost virtue in this society. We all want it and it speaks to, and of, our spiritual, energetic lives, but valuing it is not something we seek. I have created a stable home life. At one point I realized it had to come from me, that I had to give this to myself and my kids. I became calmer, kinder, and solidified my inner world so I was not so inconstant in my outer world. I have not gotten a home in the outer world yet. I keep reminding myself that it is a representation of stability and comfort to the soul, planting my seeds of physical stability.

I do have a family member at this time that has created a home, but I would not call it stable because if it were not for me, there would not be much love in it. She has obtained this home by choosing to live in poverty all her life. She is very proud of this, and expects all around her to respect that, and live this way too. This is what I mean about when you obtain things through not-so-stellar means, no one respects it. It does not speak to you as an energy being, to live this way, just to have things. Energy is abundant, there is nothing that is without it, so why go without to get what you need? You can use your energy for all sorts of things, but not all means are worth you efforts. The things of life, that are stable, come because you have used your energy in the right place.

Mom

Being a mom is something I thought would be a given. When I grew up my mom was home, yet she was not there. As I became a mom and soon enough went through a divorce, I started to realize I was impatient, unhappy around the kids. A few years later, my ex and I went back to court for custody. I was filled with pain, and every time I was with my kids I felt the pain and bewilderment of the situation. I only got to see my kids three days a week and it felt like I was going to die. I could not even breathe through those days. Something in me knew I wanted to heal this whole situation, but I wanted to heal it with love. My mind raced day and night, yet I knew I needed to get it under control to focus my thoughts on a plan. My relationship with the kids was not going well. Once, they looked at me and said,"We just want you to be happy." I knew I had to find a place in my self to get happy when I was with them or our relationship would suffer. The one thing I wanted most, since childhood was to be a great mom. I realized I was not living up to that in myself. So I went out and bought beads, and when my kids were home I spent at least an hour a night beading with them. I knew if my intention was to create a good mother, I had to rise above my pain and be one. We had some great times. It did start to ease my pain, and I would even do it when they were not home, saying over and over their names, with the intention to reunite us as a family. Needless to say things did change, and I have no doubt it was because of my intention, to do this through love and not anger.