life to live

  We all want life to go our way. The reality of that is; that life its self knows what will make us happy. Life is the energy of creation. The reality of what is best for us. Letting go of all of our wants to find what is the best for us is so hard. sometimes we do not even know what we want or think we do; only to find that we are unhappy once we get it. Our wants also change with our development or emotional growth.
      I want to stay home with my kids, they are the love of my life and I want to be there for them and all of the world is conspiring to push me into the world of work. I recently went back to work; only to find that I am delighted with it. Part of me feels like I let my kids down. As if I was not a good mom because I did not fallow the energy of my wants and focus on them. I have also wanted to be independent of the people in my life that want to call the shots. I see now that the stronger energy, the one full of life is the one that makes me free.
     I am happier, not having others around that want me to behave in a certain ways for them. I am happier without there disappointment and judgement; or moodiness.
  I do not like going to work; but I know that the energy of life needs me to be here now; to create time and space to maneuver my life into a different setting.  I can say this, that my life was not working the way I wanted it to; so it is a blessing that it is working the way life is directing it.
       Life we live is not always the best life we could live. Sometimes when we give in to life as it calls us to be, we find ourselves more alive than we thought we could be. Living the life we want can stifle life itself; making our every turn feel wrong. When we move in the direction that we need to; we come alive with the very life of creation.

Tired

I am so tired of defending myself. Those around me do not think of life like I do and they do not see the way I act and behave as a whole picture, as I do. Did you ever get to the point that you know it is not in anyone's better interest to continue to state the truths in your life? I am here. Those around me ask why I do what I do, and they want an answer; but they want me to defend my point of view because they do not want to see things as I do.
   
People want you to explain; they want you to state your point so they can tell you why you are wrong. They ask why, yet there are so many reasons why, and we can not go into them all. The truth is that the world runs on many threads and they are not all explainable in one setting. As a whole we are doing the best for the people around us. Well some do better that others, but still, why debate? We are still doing the best we can for the level of understanding that we are at.
   
I have someone that is always looking for an explanation for my behavior. Then they use it to tell me I am not doing justice for them. I understand they feel that way, and in there eyes I am not. So why keep debating this subject? If you do not get what you want either change your mind, understand you can decide to want something different, or move on to find what you want. But why continue to rehash your points over the years and cause drama in your own and others lives.
     
I do live by what I teach and write here, my heart is at peace with my life; for the first time in my life. I do not write about it until I have learned the lesson, or I could not articulate it so well. So I think, in the bigger picture, I am a good person at heart. I also realize that I am no longer going to argue or defend myself. I will state the way I feel and how I felt at the time; and let others have there interpretations for themselves. Others will always see things the way they want because they are doing there best to process there lives to. No more arguing for me, I want to just be.

You Are Right

I have come to understand that others are always right. Even if I am right for me I know that others are right for them, and that leaves me wrong, in there eyes. There is grace in this is knowledge; that I am strong and defined by my choices not defined buy others perceptions. I have thought that I was defined by the way others saw me. Then I realized that they are never going to see the real me; they are looking at me through the lens of there thoughts. So everything is filtered and interpreted through how they are relating to what they see.
       
Others do not see that I do things out of the love of grace, they see that I am doing what I do through how they think. To finally understand this and to come to terms with the idea that no matter what is said, I will be wrong in the majority of others lives, is a humbling experience. It keeps me in the knowledge that I must keep my energy in a state of humility. Knowing that all I do can be interpreted in two ways: I want to emanate to the world that I serve it and not myself. The energy itself that I serve is the very energy I emanate to. There will be others that do not see or feel my security, they are meant to move away, as I am meant to move away from them. I know my own intent, within my intent is the power I need to change the world.
 
There is a peace to knowing that they are right for them. There is peace in my heart that I do not have to go on and on explaining my point of view. A silent power has come to prevail in my world, it has come from the knowledge that you are right and that I am too.