Healing

Healing happens in all we do; Yet you have to have grace to open your heart in the moment and be able to see the other in a new, or whole way.
     
To day my dad came into my life for the first time in 12 years, but he wanted to see my mom. He has not seen my mom in 30 years. Yet he came with the intention of making amends. What a lot of people do not see is that you can make amends and have the other person say yes on one level, but on another still not see you as a whole person worthy of forgiveness, the healing comes when both grow and heal in the interaction and become whole.
     
I could sense that it was a moment of time that my father needed to validate that he was not as bad as he himself felt, over all that had gone by. This is an energy of calling back your soul and forgiving yourself for the pain you caused others. I am not sure if my mom could see the transformation I saw in her but I know it healed her too.
     
My mom has had a feeling of unworthiness in her life time that she has never addressed, yet it over shadowed all she does. Still to this day she talks of how she was not treated fairly by her father. I am sure that other than me, no one else has apologized to her. I also know she dismissed  that as due to her, in all my wrongness. I was so happy to see the healing in both of them, something I did not think of before.
   
Many times we change and look for confirmation in those we love, or those around us, as a barometer. Much of the time others are busy keeping us in the box of our old behavior. So we never forgive ourselves fully. This is an energy exchange that keeps people down or in the case of forgiveness, empowers us. When we know that we are forgiving, the energy can be released and we no longer carry the burden of that experience.
   
All we do has the power to heal others, and I now see that it heals us too. The law of intention, when you intend to heal, help, see the world whole; it becomes whole, and all those in it.

Sparse Living

I am moving, but I will not be able to afford to move my belongings. Part of me is looking forward to the idea of sparse living. Yeah it will be really sparse, but I will be free. The thoughts of living under my own energy is such a thrill and brings me so much happiness! I am sure I will be able to manifest the bare necessities that I need to get by. There are really great people in the world, and I know I am doing what is right. This will be the energy that brings the best in the end.
     
Some say why not stay if you can't afford to move. I say the energy that I live under is too toxic for the world and that it need to be released. I am the only one that can do the job of letting go and moving on. So, I am happy to do so. When you have to leave things behind, know they are not you. There is power in letting go of the world that others feel is something to cling to.
     
I have a vision board and I was looking at it the past few nights, what I noticed was that not much of the things on it were things that I have. I started to think that this was a perfect time in life to allow my inner energy to remake me, in its own image. The prospects are daunting on one hand, but on another this is what I have always wanted. I have sought to be remade in the light of my inner self all this time. I decided to fall into this thought and allow it to do its own work. Whatever that may be.
     
So, I say, bring it on. I want less to worry about, less to clean, and a life of quiet contemplation and devotion to what really matters; my inner self and family. Others read magazines and wish for simple living, I am going to embrace living that way.

Waking Up

If you want to start to wake up to energy, to dissipate your old thoughts; fast, go volunteer. I am talking to help others that are dying, in nursing homes. I will have to add, do not talk to the people around you. If you do, you will get caught up in the physical part of life, believing that it is the reality of what is happening in the world.
     
Go someplace and do the worst of jobs, clean bed pans and take out trash. Be kind to all that pass you, and when they do not appreciate you, go home and cry. Know that this is the fastest way to a dialogue with your inner self, oh wait, you do not have to volunteer; you already live this life.
     
Yes the fastest way to waking up to your inner self is to force yourself to do all this with love, reserve and all judgment. Use you thoughts to understand you are doing all this to transform your world, forget how it all looks. Pretend that everything that is happening is not staying, it is changing; because it is.
       
Cry a lot, crying loosens you old thought patterns. When you are tired and give up on how things are going; that is when your inner energy can make change. Waking to your inner self shows you how much of life you were missing. You start to see that all your judgment and wants got in the way of seeing how life really was. How much you really wanted others to appreciate you, waking up teaches you that you appreciate yourself; then you see how much you did not appreciate those around you. Now you can though, being wake is to understand our own selves in this energy world. To see all the ways we did not engage; and blamed others for the short coming.
       
The awake state, is to understand that it does not matter what anyone else does; it only matters how much grace, or energy you, yourself, can bring to the moment you are in. As the song goes, "Wake up, Wake up! Everybody up! Everybody Up!".

Full Measure

Life is a full measure, you need to feel it and live through the feeling. This feeling engages you, it takes your thoughts in a direct way. This means you think about life, not just react to what you see.
   
The feeling that I am talking about is the feeling that you get when you are someplace and start to feel someone looking at you; if that person is looking at you, you feel good. If that person is looking at you with anger you feel bad; or fearful. Either way this is the feeling of heightened energy. Most of the time it we notice it when we are feeling attracted to someone, the problem with this is that we reduce it to a sexual feeling. That means that we engage with another based on out true being; seeing their inner spirit, feeling it and then reduce them and ourselves to a sexual being. We as humans experience our inner self first in this way, as sexual beings; this is the first step in feeling our inner energy. The problem is that his world does not have a true understanding that the first feeling is a sensual feeling. Sensual is the essence of our true being. Falling in love is the first days of relating through our true inner being; that is why it is so powerful. The problem is that we have assigned this feeling to sexuality and then we start to see the other person through the physical; because sexuality is physical.
     
We do not have a language in this world yet for this feeling, or a true understand of how to live through this process of our inner energy. There are many of us that have started to live it and want to help others to live a full life, the only path is to experience this feeling, on a more that half bases.
   
As you start to practice this feeling and bring it into you life, it teaches you all the ways you used to see are wrong. The way you used to relate to it are hurtful and destructive.
     
When you live through it you become it, and willingly let it live through you. Life then becomes the full measure of the experience of feeling, being the true you.

Holy Grail

I look back on my life and see that I was on a quest all this time to understand and define unconditional love. It was my proverbial holy grail. It has shaped and defined my life like no other thing or person has, and has made and broken my relationships. In the end I see it as the thing that has taught me the most about life and love, I would not change any of it. I understand more about a lot of life than most others do; but most of all I live it and have found peace in the practice of this path of love.
       
All people have the desire to learn this but it lays dormant because they do not know how to follow this primal urge or they do not trust it.  I am happy I did not give up, I now know the skills that can help many in this time of transition in the world.
     
Sometimes I see myself as a spoiled child over not having this love in my life, I have ignored and left to the wayside all the love that I did have in favor of having all of what I did not have. I know this is part of the quest. To know the knowledge and live it, to serve others with this information. I am sure that I had to go through all this to come out with the compassion and patience to teach and energetically help others.
     
There has entered into my life an acceptance I have never known; I am sure that I could not be an effective teacher without it. The past weeks I have felt an impatience to transform my life; yet I have wanted to trade that feeling for peace. I know that the peace is the only thing that can make me an effective teacher in this life. I am amazed, as usual, at how energy itself transforms my life. Just when I think there is no hope; in come's the transformation that I need to go through the next step in my life.
     
I know there is no real holy grail; yet I see that our thinking and peace with our inner self is the real holy grail of this life. All this takes is effort and devotion to your inner self.

What You Want

As I have gone along I have realized that if I want something I have to think about it. This is a backwards way of thinking because I was taught to think of what I did not want; in hopes of eradicating it. I am sure that a lot of people were taught this about life and I can see that it has brought a lot of pain to my life too. So what I came to understand was, you do not have to, not think of the other things, this would be imposable and not allow change; but to be happy with what you do like. Now as most of us go there is a lot we do not like! That is the key, or path though, to retrain you thoughts to look at the things you like. I have started to do this in a comical way, I press the virtual "like" button, it seems to have a space in my mind that creates what I need to think different so I can recreate my life.
   
I have come to understand that I also reflect the things I like, or want to keep in my life by spending time and thoughts on them, or the thought of them. All this has given me a fear deeper sense of gratitude and enjoyment than before. There is a depth of love that I feel flowing from me to all the people and things I "like". Some how I have come to know this as my emotional currency that keep what I want in place and does not hold it hostage. It is a great feeling to love and keep things this way, there is no pain involved in the coming and going of the return energy. I feel infinitely rewarded in this kind of love. I also know it is the only way to build a life that can't be taken from me again.
   
I have tried in many ways to be happy with the world as it was taught to me... and failed. I also see all others failing a those methods too. I want to create a world out of something real and solid that will not pain me so much. I have found that my inner energy is the only path to create a world that I want, out of love.

Letting Go

One of the things I learned in the beginning of my book learning was that we choose other things that are against what our guide tells us. This is a core error that makes our lives miserable. I, of course, did not know how to stop this error from occurring, but wanted to only follow my inner energy. I was full of hope six years ago when I found out about this choice. What I did not know was how long it would take for my inner guide to refine my thoughts so that I could hear my inner energy. There was a process of learning all the ways in which I have blocked my intuition. Then a process of learning all the reasons that I will not listen to my guidance, or ignore it for my own choice. Now I have become conscious of all my behavior. That is the name of this game, to become conscious, or it is not choice. Choice only comes from the knowing of all the options and the knowledge of the true motives behind our actions.

Here I am at the crossroads of letting go of my agenda, wants, wishes, whatever you call it. In the end we let go in favor of the choice to follow the inner energy in all we do regardless of our own agendas. I am in a spot now that I am making a life choice and do not want to put myself in the hands of my smaller thinking self. I want to cut ties of all I know in this world and let the remainder of my life choices be guided by my inner energy. We all have our comfort zones in our lifetimes, yet I know now that I am just an energy being that is here to live out the energy that runs through me, creating a better world for the whole. All is a gift to us and I have to treat it as such, now that I know this in my heart. Every decision is meant to help the whole, not just me. I am happy about all of this. It brings joy to my heart to help the world.

I guess I am saying that my new comfort needs to come from the feeling that I get from following my inner guide, not anything that I knew or had in this lifetime. I have been here many times before and my inner guide has helped me through all my little letting-gos, but now I am at the point that I have to let go of all the things that I thought would give me comfort and peace. I do have a sense of peace and comfort from my relationship with my inner energy, I just am letting go of all the physical things that I thought would bring me joy. They do not bring me any joy anymore,so I am letting go of the thought that it will. I have a joy in knowing that I am interacting with energy that is deeper than anything I find here.

A Little Bird

A little bird came to grace our home yesterday. As all these birds that we get in the spring, I had little hope that it would make it through the night. I have a ten year old that loves animals, and every spring we have a tossed out wild bird that we care for.
     
I did not have my usual worries about theses things when I went to bed. I was thinking of all the rest we had in the past, and I said a little prayer. Something along the lines that it will be, "ok"either way and that if it was meant to be, let it live. Some how, I knew that that prayer was the power that was going to bring life to it.
       
I had forgotten about it in the morning and when I came down I heard a little peeping! There was a quiet happiness in my heart, and little thought went in to its survival, and morning feeding. As I was walking the dog, I felt strong this morning.  I realized that the background fear had left me, in some way. My mind is clear and I feel left with the gratitude I have been praying so much for the past few weeks.
     
I am in a spot of change again in my life, everything is a little unknown at this time. I knew for a few days now I needed something to fill my thoughts so my inner energy could do its magic. It seems, I have been sent my blessing; the energy, in form of a bird, to get me through this time.
       
I am so grateful and in awe of how life really works when you really start to understand it. Somehow as delicate as a hairless bird and as magical as miracles can be.

Tired

I am so tired of defending myself. Those around me do not think of life like I do and they do not see the way I act and behave as a whole picture, as I do. Did you ever get to the point that you know it is not in anyone's better interest to continue to state the truths in your life? I am here. Those around me ask why I do what I do, and they want an answer; but they want me to defend my point of view because they do not want to see things as I do.
   
People want you to explain; they want you to state your point so they can tell you why you are wrong. They ask why, yet there are so many reasons why, and we can not go into them all. The truth is that the world runs on many threads and they are not all explainable in one setting. As a whole we are doing the best for the people around us. Well some do better that others, but still, why debate? We are still doing the best we can for the level of understanding that we are at.
   
I have someone that is always looking for an explanation for my behavior. Then they use it to tell me I am not doing justice for them. I understand they feel that way, and in there eyes I am not. So why keep debating this subject? If you do not get what you want either change your mind, understand you can decide to want something different, or move on to find what you want. But why continue to rehash your points over the years and cause drama in your own and others lives.
     
I do live by what I teach and write here, my heart is at peace with my life; for the first time in my life. I do not write about it until I have learned the lesson, or I could not articulate it so well. So I think, in the bigger picture, I am a good person at heart. I also realize that I am no longer going to argue or defend myself. I will state the way I feel and how I felt at the time; and let others have there interpretations for themselves. Others will always see things the way they want because they are doing there best to process there lives to. No more arguing for me, I want to just be.

Family

When you follow the guided path you will find love for all, but your family will become those that you grow with. Many of us, as adults, find ourselves out growing our families. Faced with the realization that we are no longer energetically connected to the tribal ways we were brought up with, we wonder the value of family.
         
I have understood that I have chosen to grow spiritually and I talked to my mom about this regularly. A while ago I thought it was a good idea to move closer to my family, so I could have the physical and emotional support I needed. I had talked to my mom for years about this move. It is coming up on a year now and I have come to the realization that this is not the family that will nurture and love me the way I need to be my best. I know now that my mom just listened to me before, but now will not listen. She does not want to grow, she wants to control. I will tell you that, on this path, you can not control; when you try you will hate yourself for the hypocrisy. I have gone through all the feelings that we all go through with family, abandonment and rejection. In the end I have come around to know this is not about me, it was a lesson in love that I needed. To see my family, life and all that happens through the lens of energy and grace.
           
The people I call family are not my family anymore, they are strangers that do not wish me the best. They wish me the way they want me, not for the beautiful person I am. I wanted my kids to know and learn about family that loves and grows together. This kind of family overcomes the illusions of the world and chooses to love despite the many things we dislike about one another. A family of love chooses to love over all the judgments that make us disappointed and angry with each other.
 
I know that we are all to learn through these lessons in life, we are to learn theses things the most through our family. They are the cosmic beings that are here to make us into the beautiful beings of grace we need to evolve into. I also know that there is a time that we learn to love despite the adversity that our family brings. We learn to understand that they are not doing any thing to hurt us, they are trying to navigate this world with the skills they know work for them.
     
I learned that I will not give or allow my family to take my energy and make me feel less. In this decision I know that they will never embrace me as the person I am. I also know that real family wants to know me as a beautiful being, and I do not belong here anymore. It has become a healing and I have learned to love my mom for her efforts, despite the concept that her efforts do not nurture me or others. She, in her way, loves me and those around her the best she can, so my family has become the place I am meant to visit and not dwell.
     
I will say that true family is still a place that brings love to our hearts. A place of peace that will heal us and help us see ourselves as whole in times of adversity. A nest of beings that we know we can turn to when we need to know our true joy of being.