I went to a class last night and left my kids home with my mom. She has to take care of my three year old, but my older ones were here too. They usually come with me. I got home on a spiritual high. It was a class about inner peace. I enjoyed it a lot, but I really went for the teacher. I like her and crave being around like minded people. Anyway, when I got home, my ten year old told me that my mom had spent the night rifling through my personal things. She was looking through my drawers, reading papers I keep in them, and looking through my closet. I am so glad I came home full of inner peace! I am, well used to be, the sort of person that would have hung you out to dry for such a transgression. I had all the usual thoughts. I don't do this to her. What do I say? Then I realized that she is only doing what she knows how to do; be disrespectful. She can not respect herself, so how can she respect me? I would venture to say that she has no concept of respect, because she has not defined herself, or what her values are. What is there to respect when you are not a whole person? She sees herself as a collection of good decisions she has made about money. Others do not live up to that measure, so we do not deserve respect.
I never got mad, I just rode that spiritual high all through the night. I stayed up thinking about all this. I realized that I did not have anything to hide anyway, and that I wanted to have a better relationship with my mom. So I asked her this morning how I could help her, maybe do a little laundry. We had a nice conversation and I came up to write. I see it all as testimony that my inner power has transformed me. I also feel confident that it is all energy that is working to get me out of here. I also trust that the same inner energy is working on its own form of justice. I feel good that I did not allow her behavior to effect me and that I still treated her with love. I am sure that it is not all my doing. I have great power behind all that I do, even forgiving.
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