When you start to work with your inner energy you will miss the the harshness of life. I did. I think we all get accustomed to the highs and lows of the physical world. It is natural to look for it in the energy world, because that is what we know. We all have to have some sort of structure in our lives, and what we know puts order and structure in what we learn. The energy world works on a different structure. So, we have to start to see it and integrate the new order into our lives. This all happens as fast as you are willing to use that same energy. I remember though, I was always looking in my heart for a big, fast change, but one day I was walking outside and realized that it is not that. It is subtle and warm like the sun, delicate like a breeze and beautiful like the song of a bird. The same energy illicits a wonderful aliveness inside you, a presence that is unmistakably all-loving. This feeling can be all-consuming and is larger-than-life, but for the most part it remains a constant until you need it. Then, it turns its self up or down accordingly. When you get used to this constant companion of energy, it is a feeling of having someone with you, and knowing that they are your best friend, in all sense of the meaning. It is not as harsh as having someone next to you, you can't reach out and touch it. But it is unmistakably there. I remember that day, realizing how much of what I did want, I had missed; looking for it to be something I already knew. If it was supposed to be what I knew, I would not have been looking to fix my curent thought system.
I have to say that my inner energy is a better, more rewarding love, even if it does not have the same feelings that the physical world has. It is at peace, has more to offer, brings me peace, fulfillment, joy and love.
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